I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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