im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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