I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
