I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
