"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
