I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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