Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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