Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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