Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
