Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
