just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
