Moan for me like Helen Keller
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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