haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize