why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
