he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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