He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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