I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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