It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
