i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
