porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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