I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
