you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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