I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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