i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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