I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
