Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
