we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize