The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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