you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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