Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
