Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
