I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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