Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
