Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
