I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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