Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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