Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize