I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
