So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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