I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
