she sounds like chewbacca in bed
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
