i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
