I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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