I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Michael Bay diarrhea
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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