I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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