you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
