I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize