best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
BRING THE BAGELS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
