i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
