I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
