so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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