I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
