im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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