She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
