This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
