Welp...herpes.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
