I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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