I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
