She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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