Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
