I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
