I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
