I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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