You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My pussy is not your playground.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
