if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You smell like a Billy Joel song
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
