You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
