I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
