I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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