he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
