I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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