I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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