I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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