So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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