the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
