Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
