So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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