Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
