Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
