im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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