You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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